Frozen Heart
by myglimmer
Summary: "Afterwards, he could only describe the sensation as similar to a lake freezing over. A seeping cold settled inside his heart, and spread rapidly through his veins [...] until it exploded, surrounding him in an aura of light." What does it feel like, turning super Saiyan? (Short drabble from Goku's perspective during the Freeza-saga.) R&R!


_Author's Note:  
><em>**_Hello! _**

_This is a small drabble I wrote after re-reading the DragonBall manga (more specifically: the Freeza-saga.) _

_I think all of us has wondered at some point what turning super Saiyan feels like, and while some connects the yellow light surrounding the super Saiyan with warmth, I thought I'd try to make a different approach._

_Enjoy!_

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><p>"<em>You still don't have what it takes to become a super Saiyan. You're too soft. You have to be cruel, otherwise you'll never succeed."<em>

_Cold. _

When Goku watched his friend Kiririn get blown into pieces, his heart stopped.

_Ba-dum, _

_Ba-dum,_

_**Ba-dum,**_

_**Ba-**_

**"_Goku!"_**

**_SPLASH._**

That is when Goku lost sight of himself. Afterwards, he could only describe the sensation as similar to a lake freezing over. A seeping cold settled inside his heart, and spread rapidly through his veins. Incredible power built up inside of him, mixing together with his agony, fear, pain, and rage until it exploded, surrounding him in an aura of light.

Afterwards, Goku felt oddly serene. His mind felt focused and clear; Clear from worries, thoughts and distractions.

It was similar to an early winter morning, when newly fallen snow coveres the ground and tree branches, glistening in the morning sun, and when the air is cold and crisp and stings your nose as you inhale. His mind felt like such a winter morning. Bright, crisp, _clear_.

He felt light, almost as if his being had ceased to exist. He could no longer feel the weight of his body, nor his wounds or scars. He felt renewed; Clensed from everything he'd ever known. He had been reborn –

Reborn into a super Saiyan.

_Cold._

It was odd; He felt different. It was as if he was no longer himself. He was calmer. His mind clear and focused on one task: to kill Freeza. Vegeta had said that he couldn't do it; That he couldn't become a super Saiyan, because he was too soft. He had been too soft, but he was no longer.

It was clear, like that early winter morning; he was going to win.

He felt distant as he ordered Gohan to leave, like he had been removed from the present and was simply viewing it from behind a frozen glass pane. Disconnected.

He felt it, as he was fighting Freeza, that he was no longer the same. His intentions were none but to kill. Destroy. Murder. _Completely anihilate_. He had become a super Saiyan. It was like Vegeta had said.

Crossing the line into evil intentions, Goku had succeeded with what no Saiyan had before him.

As he battled, Goku could feel his blood boil inside his frozen veins. He felt it. With every damaging contact he made with Freeza, he felt it increase. It was nothing he had experienced before, in any battle he had ever fought; He had never felt like this upon breaking his opponents.

_Joy._

An unimagineable glee spread through his Saiyan body as he fought Freeza. Such power. Such superiority. A confident, wicked smile spread across his facial features, because he knew, he knew he would win. He knew he could kill Freeza, and it pleased him.

At the time, he had tried to refuse himself and his newfoound instincts. It was hard, _so hard_, but he had allowed Freeza the choice to live. He had struggled within himself, wrestling with his Saiyan heart, denying himself the thrill that boiled underneath his skin.

But it had been for naught. Freeza wasted his chance at redemption, and Goku had gleefully jumped at the presented opportunity to finish him off.

Never before had Goku felt his Saiyan blood as strong as he did then. His whole existance thrived as he dug into Freeza. He felt alive, he felt powerfull, and he liked it.

Looking back, Goku doubted himself to have been completely pure at the moment. He had passed into a dark mindset to become super Saiyan; Killing for killings sake for the first time.

He wished he could describe it as rage; rage over his dead comrades directed towards the source of all suffering at the time. But it had been more. Goku had _enjoyed_ the feeling of crushing his opponent. His heart had raced, and his body had been pumped to the brim with glee - glee from hurting someone else. And through it all, what bothered Goku the most, was that he had not been able to stop smiling.

Worse was when Goku returned to Earth and came face to face with Vegeta since the incident. Locking eyes and staring into the black orbs had been too much for Goku; Because he knew Vegeta could sense the change in his heart. That he, Goku, had enjoyed it when his heart froze over, when his Saiyan blood had taken control and made him into what he really is; a true, cold-blooded murderer.

Vegeta could tell from one look, and Goku suffered inside.

Becoming a super Saiyan had been _cold_.

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><p><em>Thank you for reading!<em>

_I hope you ejoyed my short drabble. As mentioned in the Author's Note above this story, this was just something that came to my mind after re-reading the DragonBall manga after so many years. The thought fascinated me, and this happened._

_Please leave a **Review** of your own thoughts regarding the story and subject. How do you think it feels to become super Saiyan? _

_Feedback is more than welcomed!_

_I appriciate that you've taken your time to read my fanfiction. Have a nice day!_


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